At around 7am this morning, officials were contacted regarding a lady who was trapped in a tree, now this sounded a little implausible to them due to A) usually it was cats that get stuck up trees, and B) they worked for the department of national road gritting.
Naturally they ignored the call due to it “likely being a load of bollocks”, and then went about their daily business, grumbling about how all the other government departments never got out their stinking pits till after 9am.
At around 8am they were contacted again by passers by, who clarified that the crazy lady wasn’t trapped in a tree, but next to a tree, when the water levels rose from a flash shower during the night. Naturally this time they were forced to attend, due to being the only government agency awake so early in the day.
We interviewed the deputy director of grit procurement as they attended the scene, who stated.. “I’ve never seen so much crap in my whole life, this idiot thinks that she will melt if she walks through the wat……errrrrr… what the fuck is up with her hands!”